My birth story I'm sending in to a parenting thing

It all started with being being an addict. Not the kind of addict you would expect though, a POAS addict. For those who don't know what that is let me fill you in, A Pee On A Stick addict. Yes after that first positive pregnancy test with my first son I went nuts with the pee sticks. My husband and I suffered from male factor infertility and had to go through IVF and a FET cycle to conceive our son so seeing those magical two lines was like winning the lottery. I got a rush from waiting to see what the test was going to say. So when my son was 15 months old, after not preventing nor expecting a pregnancy I sent my poor husband to the store to purchase a test. I of course ripped it out of his hand the moment he came in the door and rushed to the rest room where I already had my cup ready. I still remember like it was yesterday, holding my toddler on my hip and watching that test without blinking once, PREGNANT popped up in the window and shock went through my body. For a minute there I thought I had read it wrong. You know how you look at something, close your eyes and shake your head and reopen your eyes? Well that's exactly what I did and then my jaw dropped. I looked at my son, he looked at me and his little jaw dropped two, turning my shock into a game. I didn't know what to do, I had no idea how to tell my husband, this was NOT in our plan!

Now jump forward to six days before my due date, my son's second birthday. Jump past all why's, how's, and what are we going to do's. We just wanted to see our baby, we didn't want to wait anymore. My goal was to make it past my son's 2nd birthday and now that the day was almost over we took matters into our own hands. I was induced with my son and had a new doctor this time that was not for inductions. We walked three miles and I took some castor oil (do NOT attempt either of these without talking with your doctor first!!!). That was at 11pm. By 2am I had woke up and went to the restroom thanks to the castor oil and had my first contraction. No big deal, probably false labor just like two days before. Then I get a few more, four minutes apart. Still no big deal, my false labor was five minutes apart for hours. I decide to take a bath, wake my husband up and let him know what's going on. Contractions are now 2-3 minutes apart so I decide to get out of the bath and get to the hospital so they can make this "false labor" stop. It's now around 4:30pm. Then it's all down hill from there. I'm hurting, I can't even walk. I make it to the car and the handle above the door is my new best friend. Then guess what, we have to stop and get gas. Of all things we didn't remember to get gas before we walked and I chugged that drink. All I remember is that my husband was driving 90 mph and all I was saying was, "please no please no, just give me a few more minutes between contractions please!". By then they were coming 1-2 minutes apart and we still had over 30 miles to go. We are almost there and I'm sure I went pee on myself, then nope, it's my water breaking for sure, a huge gush all over our brand new car's seats. We make it there after some horrible words out of my mouth, my poor husband not saying a word, and my toddler staring at me like I'm crazy from the back seat. Let me just say this before I continue. Any hospital that thinks it's a good idea to lock the doors that go to the maternity floor at night and early morning are NUTS! We get upstairs and I say to the nurses, "I'm SO in labor!". They rush me to the room, I change in the restroom (dumb hospital gown went on backwards of course so that's another few minutes turning it around) and make it to the bed with my whole butt hanging out for the world to see. They check me and say, "She is complete.". Oh no no no, that was NOT in my birth plan! I wanted the epidural. I wanted my family there. 25 minutes of blowing and waiting for the doctor to show up, I get to pushing and within a few minutes our sweet Makenna'lea Grace is here. A head full of hair, perfect in every way. All the things I had planned out, all the things I was worried about like who was going to watch my son while I was in labor for hours on end. Those didn't even matter, they never mattered and I didn't even know it. They ended up taking her to the nursery because she had a slight mumor in her heart that turned out to be nothing and I really didn't get to see much of her other than the back of her head that was full of hair. My first look at her face was through my digital camera that was left in the car during the delivery. We got no photos of her birth, no photos of her first weight check, no photos of her first bath, nothing. Just the one photo of her little face through the window of the nursery that was on my digital camera (after my I had enough sense to tell him it was in the car the whole time).

My plans didn't go how I expected them to. After seeing our first born daughter, conceived without any treatment, I couldn't believe that at one point I wasn't over the moon about her coming into our family. I'm blessed with two miracles, one through FET and one the good old fashion way. We are so lucky in every way possible.

OUCH!

The photo is the pageant swimwear, not finished in the photo...

Makenna got her 2 month shots the other day. She screamed bloody murder for at least 10 minutes afterwards. Mommy's little drama queen for sure! She was 9 lbs 11 oz, 22.5 inches. Not huge but doing well. Thank goodness I'm not freaking out left and right about her weight, thinking I'm starving her. My milk supply is great, she eats pretty well but I'm sure she could eat more if I really really really worked with her but I figure she won't starve herself.

Her little hair is fading out! I'm so sad about that, the top is still crazy though. She is getting so pretty every day!!!!!!

Oh she has her very first pageant in Nov! I'm beyond excited about it. I eat sleep and breathe pageants lately. I ordered her cupcake dress online and I'm just waiting on that to come in, let's hope it fits her! I'm going to be super upset if it doesn't. I made her swimwear and all I have to do to finish that is add the rest of the rhinestones once walmart gets some more in. It's adorable and I'm so happy with it! So.... with that being said, if anyone wants to help sponsor her, let me know. She is up to win $2,500 in cash and alot of other cash titles along with tons of toys, crown and trophy. PLUS the most important part, it's something we can all do as a family. A whole weekend away doing something that the kids are going to love.

I thought I had alot to blog about, I guess I don't.... LOL!!!

New photos and an update!

I've been in sewing world lately. I WAS going to wait a few months to put Makenna in her first pageant, after the first of the year BUT man those dresses are just so cute and my baby is adorable so she has her first one around the first of Nov. HINT HINT... if anyone wants to help sponsor her, let me know, she can win some big cash being that she is a girl and this system is giving out lots of toys in a Christmas stocking and will make it fun for Carston too even though he isn't going to be in the pageant. I started on her dress but ended up getting pissed and giving up. I'm now in the process of buying her this tiny little cupcake shell online and I'll decorate it myself. I can't wait! So that's where I've been.

Tomorrow we have church, pray it goes well for Carston and Makenna. I haven't decided if I'm going to put her in the nursery or not. Carston is for sure going to his 2 year old class. Even if he cries, he will be fine after awhile, he is older and I know he will want to color with the other kids.

Today is my birthday, happy birthday to me.

Makenna is almost 10 pounds now, Carston is up to 24 pounds, GO CARSTON!!! They both lost some weight with that nasty stomach virus we had. Makenna is still a boobie baby, she will not take a bottle at all so she has to go everywhere with me unless it's a super short trip to the store for me.

I'm listening to Glory Baby on my page, oh my goodness that song is such a wake up call. Even when I think things aren't going great at least I have my kids! What more could I want, really the real question is, how can I ask for anything else without being greedy... I'm so blessed!!!!

Hope you enjoyed the beautiful photos of my miracles! Send some positive vibes that Makenna isn't getting another stomach virus. She has pooped four times this evening and is super fussy.

ER visit

Yesterday my MIL came over to "help" with Carston and Makenna while I cleaned since the both have been super clingy and I haven't been able to do much this week. To be honest, all she did was sit with Carston while he watched a movie and then made Makenna cry. I do give her credit, she played with Makenna for about 15-20 minutes and she wasn't crying but after that it was horrible. She was screaming so bad and instead of telling me, "hey I can't calm her down" she kept trying and trying and only making it worse. I ended up going and taking her away from my MIL and nursing her to calm her down. Then Kenneth got home early and was holding her and she was upset and crying. Kenneth was about to hand her off to me so I could nurse her (that's been the only thing that calms her down at all) and my MIL takes her right out of Kenneth's arms and says, "she just fed her, give her to me". I didn't say anything, just let her try and after five minutes of pure screaming like someone had dropped her, I said I couldn't take it anymore and took her away from my MIL. Even as I was doing that, she asked for the pacifier. I'm her mommy, I KNOW what is going to make her better and a pacifier wasn't going to do it, boobie was. I think what it boils down to is that my MIL thinks that I breastfed her too often and that I'm starving her. I know good and well that's not the case, you can't starve a breastfed baby when they have milk running out of their mouth after every feeding. Who cares if she wanted to nurse every 10 minutes or every hour.

We went and ate with my MIL, SIL, BIL, and Jordan after that and when we left, Kenneth started having chest pains really bad and coughing. He has been having them for a few weeks now off and on. We went to Walmart and I told him that by the time we left, if they hadn't stopped we should go to the ER. After we shopped they still hadn't stopped and by then Makenna was screaming again. I told him we should take her to the ER to make sure it wasn't an ear infection and for him to get checked out too. After me talking him into it, they both check in at the ER. To make an already long story short, Makenna is fine. She had a slight temp of 100.3 and then an hour later it was 99.3 so they said she might be getting over a virus but that the only thing they could come up with was colic and that was only because when a doctor cant find anything wrong with a baby, they say it's colic. Kenneth on the other hand was told he has broncitus (sp?). Who knows if he really has this or not... this hospital isn't the smartest in the world.

So anyways, Makenna is doing great now. We got batteries for her swing, she nursed and went to sleep in that, when she woke up at around 5 am (four hours of sleep which was GREAT!!!) Kenneth brought her to bed and she nursed again and then into her bassinett for awhile and then nursed and back into her swing for awhile. She slept amazing!!!!! I got a great sleep and now today she is a totally different baby. Not nursing a ton, playing in her bouncy seat, posing for photos.... her normal self! Let's hope it lasts all day and all night!!!!!!!

Oh and this is her Thanksgiving dress. I'm getting my full $3 dollar clearance price out of it by using it now as a dress, in the fall as a dress with leggings and a long sleeved shirt under it, and in the summer as a shirt. It is size 12 months so that goes to show you to always look at everything, with girls you can always turn a shirt into an adorable dress!

Now I'm sick.... GREAT!

Makenna is totally a different baby today. Still comfort nursing and not sleeping very well but she has her days and nights mixed up. She still every once in awhile cries out for no reason in this sad little cry but that only lasts a few seconds and its gone. She is smiling and cooing (which she just started while she was sick) and playing in her bouncy seat right now.

I on the other hand HURT. My stomach is cramping so bad, I'm gassy, I'm about to be poopy when I get done with this blog, I feel feverish but I'm not, and I feel like throwing up. So it was a virus after all. I'm just glad Makenna is over it. I'll be sick any day as long as my kids are feeling fine.

I do think I'm going to have to have my MIL over tomorrow to help out. Kenneth working so much is a huge shock for all of us and now with me being sick I don't think I can take care of both kids and do the house work that has to be done. Our dishes are totally piled up from Makenna being so upset all the time that I couldn't get the time to do them all unless I gave up my ME time and I'm sorry but any SAHM will tell you, you need your me time. You are home with your kids all day and all night. Working moms get that alone time (yes its with co workers but you also get the ride to and from work to yourself) but SAHM's don't. My few hours off and on all day and after the kids go to bed... I just need it okay and I would rather have a sink full of dishes than give it up... LOL! So anyways I guess if she wants she can come over and take care of Carston and Makenna. I personally want to see if she can handle them. Makenna seems to be really fussy when she messes with her, Carston was the same way but ten times worse when he was a baby. It took months for her to be able to even look at him without him screaming in fear. It was so weird. So anyways, she can play with them and I can get the dishes done and the laundry... all that good stuff.

Makenna is calling, I guess 15 minutes in the seat was a good start...

Too much foremilk

Well I figured out what's wrong with Makenna and why she has so much gas. Too much foremilk. I thought that could be the reason. I didn't think I was switching sides too soon but I had been nursing on one side for a couple of nursing sessions when she wanted to nurse ALOT to make sure she emptied that breast before doing the other... if that makes sense and if you are still with me. I guess I didn't do that the past two days and was switchings sides too much.

Tonight I got some gas drops to see if that would help. We got home and she was dead asleep in her carseat so I figured I would leave her and she would wake up soon and eat... NOPE! She stayed asleep almost five hours, I even took photos of Carston next to the carseat, which are adorable by the way!!!! After she woke up, gas again and then GREEN poop and thats a big red flag for too much foremilk. So there you have it, breastfeeding gave her gas... LOL! Hopefully the drops will help and me nursing one one side for two-three hours before letting her nurse on the other side will help.

Now for the photos... TOO CUTE!!!! Carston was posing so cute and the way I got him to smile so big in the photos of just him was that he would hit the little thing on the top of the camera that is the flash. I would tell him, "okay hit!" and before he would jump up to do it, I would snap the shot. Silly boy.

He is crazy, I put him to bed and he started knocking on his door, I went in to see what he wanted and he had shoes in his hand.. said "shoes!" and pushed me out of the way to go into the playroom. He then put his shoes on the wrong feet and started playing. A shirt, diaper and no shorts with camo crocs on.. silly boy! I'm glad he got up though, I got great photos. Only took me about six weeks to get a really really good photo of them in the same shot. Oh and some really amazing photos of just him.

One bad night

I'm bored out of my mind. Carston is eating a biscuit and watching Wow Wow Wubsy (sp??) and Makenna is alseep in her swing so I thought I would blog really quick just in case I don't get a chance later tonight.

Last night was HORRIBLE! Makenna had, well still has, horrible gas and just screams. I don't know if it's something I ate or if she was getting too much foremilk. I don't think I've ate anything different so who knows. I guess when Kenneth gets home tonight I'll take both kids to walmart by myself and pick up some mylicon drops. I never used those with Carston, he never had gas like she does. She just screams and gets stiff and farts/poops. Poor poor baby!

Carston would NOT go to bed in his bed. He kept getting up, knocking or throwing things at his door and crying. I would go in there and he would try to make up some kind of excuse of why he needed to come out in the living room. Like... my truck, my drink... anything he could think of. Just a bad night all together with Carston and Makenna.

Thank goodness once Makenna came to bed with me this morning and cuddled with my boob, literally, she slept pretty good and I didn't hear Carston knocking on his bedroom door until 1:30pm!!! So good sleep thank goodness.

I'm getting called, "come man!" so I'm off...

You are driving me nuts...

Okay so it hit me hard this evening that I'm more or less a single mom while Kenneth is working. This is only the first day but I can see how it's going to be. He leaves before anyone wakes up, get's home around 7:30pm, showers, eats dinner and by then he is up maybe another 30 minutes and off to bed. This is how it's going to be six days out of the week.

Hard work! Makenna has been super fussy the past two days, today being the worse, my damn nipple is killing me on the left side but that is what I get for not making sure her latch was good while I was trying to get a few more minutes of sleep the other morning, Carston will NOT stop saying "come man come man come man!". I spend my whole day saying "you are driving me nuts". So on top of Kenneth working and me taking care of the kids all by myself with no help at all except for those 30 minutes after dinner, I'm having to take care of the animals by myself, clean the house by myself, laundry by myself, dishes by myself, trash by myself... don't get me wrong, I feel like I should do all of it BY MYSELF but it's hard going from doing the kids stuff, mine and Carston's laundry only, only feeding the pets at night and picking up around the house, oh and deep cleaning like toilets, baths, floors... things like that. I did NOT do the dishes, I didn't cook every night, I didn't feed the pets and water the pets twice a day, I wasn't doing the litter box because I was pregnant, I wasn't doing the laundry and putting it up by myself, I wasn't taking out any trash, I wasn't taking out the diapers from the diaper pails, Kenneth did all of that stuff.

I'm going to have to realized that there is just not enough time in the day for me to mess around online, shower, play with the kids, feed the kids, do chores, and still have time to poop at the end of the day. It's going to be either extra sleep or computer time.

Now it's time to go take Carston around the block on the bike while Makenna is sleeping (Kenneth IS home so don't worry on that one). Maybe I can get some of this chunk off of me!!!!

I have a blogger now!

It only took me about five hours to figure out how to change my layout, get my photos up and change the font color. I'm sure I'll still add a few more things here and there but for the most part, I really like it. I know I will be adding music for sure as soon as I figure out how to do that one.

For those that don't know me and is their first time reading any of my blogs, I'm about to turn 23 years old, I'm married to a wonderful and amazing man and I have two beautiful children. Kenneth is for sure the most amazing husband and father in the world. He works hard, takes care of me, takes care of his kids. He is the funny carefree one that worries over every single thing when he gets stressed. Carston was born June 30, 2006 and Makenna'lea was born July 1, 2008. Carston was concieved through a FET cycle which is a frozen embryo transfer after three years of TTC. Makenna was a nice big suprise! When my son was 15 months old I found out I was pregnant with her without TTC, no treatment. We are so blessed!

So now that I have a small summery of who we are I can get down to blogging!!!!

I read a blog on diaryland, Alice's Diary. I ran across it years ago when I was pregnant with my son and she was also pregnant with her second son. I got hooked and still read it when I get a chance. She posted a link to a woman's blog, I will link it in the next entry, she is devoted to God, her husband is a singer, they have three beautiful girls and one sweet little baby angel in heaven. Her page is BEAUTIFUL and I will admit I copied it a bit. Her story is so sad but so uplifting at the same thing. A family that has gone through such pain with loosing their baby girl, knowing for months that she would probably pass soon after she was born but still having such amazing faith in God. That makes you think... everyone thinks they have it so bad. They think about so many things they want to change. Having more kids, having more money, a bigger house, a nicer car, so so many things they would change if they could. I'm one of them....

We have gone through a pretty hard year. My dad almost died, Kenneth lost his job and didn't find another one for three months and even that one did NOT pay the bills, I found out I was pregnant at one of the worst times possible, I can't seem to get along fully with my inlaws, my sister and her kids blow my family off, we lost more pets than I can count, we almost lost our house... just horrible times. We are just now picking up the pieces thanks to the help of my mom. All I could think about was how we needed more money. More money would fix everything. Of course it would help so much, of course we need it, of course I'm sooooo happy that Kenneth found a job that will be paying all our bills and rent and then some. But most of all, I'm so so so so grateful after reading that woman's blog. I have a husband who loves me and loves his kids, I have two BEAUTIFUL amazing children who I would give my life for that are healthy and here with me, I have great parents, I have food in my stomach and a roof over my head. What more can I truly ask for without being greedy? No matter what we go through, I will always have my family and in the end, that's all I truly care about. No amount of money will ever make that feeling any more powerful. So many people loose sight of that. Just be grateful for what you have because it can always be so much worse and so much more painful.

So after that rambling I want to talk about normal stuff. Makenna is doing great, six weeks old already!!! She has my attitude for sure. She loves to sleep with me in bed which I'm not too happy about. Kenneth is so sure that she hates him because she is usually fussy when he holds her but the truth is, he doesn't have boob so that's the problem. She loves her big brother and just smiles at him all the time. I can't believe at one time I wasn't over the moon about having another baby because now that she is here, I would NOT change it for the world!!!!!

Carston was sick but is doing MUCH better. We are working on him going to sleep in his own bed by himself. Since Kenneth was out of work for awhile, he would hold Carston in the living room every night for him to go to sleep so now we need to break that. He has been telling us when he is about to poop so there is a huge red flag that he is ready for potty training. He doesn't tell us when he goes pee but I think that's because he always has a diaper on and doesn't really realize that he is going pee to begin with so.... time for naked Carston for awhile and see how that goes. That's what a steam cleaner is for. I can't wait for him to be out of diapers fully!!! He is talking up a storm, knows tons of words and craves attention 24/7. Now that Kenneth is back to work and making great money we can put him into some kind of mothers day out program. All of them cost money but so worth it. He will get to color and sing songs and play with other kids his own age instead of being stuck at home with mom all day. Our first start with leaving him with someone will be church on Sunday. Kenneth only has Sunday off BUT we have got to get Carston into some kind of program and he will be moved up to the 2 year old class at church so he will color and do activities the whole time instead of just wandering around the daycare screaming. Hopefully he will love it and not scream the whole time.

Now to Kenneth's job... I'm so freakin excited!!!!!!! I have learned you do NOT tell people online how much you make, how much your bills are, things like that. They always take it upon themselves to think that you don't have enough money for this or enough money for that and every time you say you bought something they take it upon themselves again to tell you that you should have spent that money on something else. So with that being said, Kenneth is making enough for bills, rent and alot left over, more than we have ever had left over after paying bills!!! You have no idea how nice it will be to go to the mall and be able to buy myself some clothes! I seriously have no clothes that fit me, not just because I just had a baby six weeks ago but because I didn't have any before I got pregnant either. I was alway spending my money on Carston or the house or on Kenneth. I put myself last. I'm not asking for much or plan on spending alot. I just want a few pairs of jeans, a few pairs of shorts/capris, a few casual dresses, a few tops, a few new bras... okay that sounds like alot but considering I'm still wearing my maternity clothes because nothing else fits me, I need it all.

I guess that's it, hopefully I'll be posting on here more often than I was with yahoo 360. On there all I did was post photos, I never felt like I could post what I wanted because of nasty comments. I just love how people think they know you so well when all they know is what you write.